Star Wars Costumes Episode I: Fashion and The Force
It is a rare period of calm. While overseeing the construction of the Death Star II, the evil Lord Darth Vader, finding himself bored and with extra time to kill, has turned his attention to his hobbies. He spends his evenings thumbing through costume catalogs, his cat, Mr. Whiskers, sits lazily on his lap. On this particular evening, Lord Vader has fixed his focus on the Star Wars costumes category, having found the Star Trek costumes a disgrace to the entire galaxy. Mr. Whiskers listens to his master’s mumbling, occasionally flipping his tail in a bogus display of mild interest to gain treats. His only hope is that soon Death Star construction will be finished and this nightly ritual of costume commentary will end….
“These flashy colors are bad for the uniform ways of the Empire, there is no need for identifying marks of rank, legion or affiliation.”
“I hope for their sake, I do not find the maker of clone trooper costumes.”
“Now, these are the Troopers I’ve been looking for. The creator of these Stormtrooper costumes is a true Lord of the Sith…”
“Impressive. A Most Impressive Anakin Costume.”
“Princess Leia, I find your lack of clothing disturbing…”
“I have altered your hemline…pray I do not alter it further…”
“Your force might be strong old man…but your fashion sense is a disgrace. It is clear that you are still the learner, Obi Wan, and I will always be the master.”
“My eyes betray me. Darth Maul, your powers were weak and you let Obi Wan defeat you.. did you think that flashy red was going to distract him and save you? This, Mr. Whiskers, is the true Dark Side of costumes.”
“Don’t worry, Han. Your outfit and disturbing hair will look good before, during and after your carbonite freeze.”
“Luke…I am your father, but I am not your stylist. It seems Obi Wan has not taught you the ways of cloaked fashion.”
“I sense a major disturbance in the force every time I see this costume. It makes me want to throat hug everyone.”
“The force is strongest with these costumes. If only my children had given themselves to the Dark Side, our family portrait would hang in every home across the Galaxy.”
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